Yesterday we took Brook to Mojo’s for a treat (it’s a frozen yogurt shop). She received a positive report from her teacher this week, which Travis and I thought deserved a little kudos seeing that she was the devil child last week. For a better understanding of what I mean click here…
Anyway, we were eating our frozen treats and I looked across the way at White House / Black Market and asked Travis if we could stop in so I can look around. I have nothing to wear since the only clothes I have are maternity clothes or clothes I used to fit in before I was pregnant. On Saturday, I am hanging out with my girlfriend Shannon and I wanted to feel pretty. So, I went in totally expecting to find something fabulous.
I found a few items to try on and I got into the dressing room. Oh, how horrible of an experience that was. Same ole story, nothing looks good on the body I have now and I start to go into a serious depression about what I am looking at in the mirror. The saleslady kept asking me how I was doing and my response was, “I’d be great if I didn’t have this body…it makes all the clothes look horrible!” To that she replied, “well, at least you have a beautiful family.” My god she is right! Sometimes others have to remind me…because I tend to forget what’s really important once in awhile.
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Hmmm. On the one hand, I like this, the instant reminder of what is important. On the other hand…WTF? Who was this woman and what the hell was she thinking? Isn’t that essentially saying “You’re right, your body is hideous, but at least they are all beautiful!”
Now I don’t know what you look like, but I would argue to say that sure, your body may not be what you are used to, it may be bigger or wider or softer or weaker, but you look radiant! Mother’s love does that. Even when I see mothers out and they are frazzled and bagged, the love and commitment, the roller coaster that they are riding gives them, gives us, a beauty that is deeper, more textured and more real than a dress size will ever be.
What’s important is feeling good about who you are. If your beautiful family does that, great. If a new outfit does that, great. If a workout or a piece of chocolate does that, GREAT!
The new body is as horrifying as all the other things we’d heard about but never quite understood and I have so much compassion for what you went through in that moment.
Your beautiful family might be most important, but you feeling like a glorious goddess is what will make or break the joy you bring to them.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful words.
You are right about finding what makes you feel good…there are days where I feel I have this parenting thing down pact…other days when I am blown away with how hard it is and that I can’t just “quit”. But, finding myself and my happiness, well that is what I am trying to do and trying to unfold who I am…It’s all a process in this crazy game called life