Hello -

So, my name is Jolene Newman and I am a 30 something year old who is trying to figure out this parenting thing.

Here is what I know…

I was a much better parent in my head before I had my children. I was housewife of the year, every year and I was always the cool, fun but firm Mommy who had the most well behaved kids. And, I was the Mom that everyone wish they themselves had or could be. I was the ultimate movie or sitcom Mom…in my head.

Then I had my babies and well, things didn’t really happen the way my dreams were. Everything wasn’t perfect and things were not resolved within a thirty to sixty minute time frame with mood altering music and happy endings.

My Leave It To Beaver Fantasy Popped…

Suddenly I realized that stay at home Mom’s really have a hard time keeping up with cleaning the house. We miss the social interaction of work, especially if worked defined who you were before the babies came. You get tired of baby talk and taking care of others first and touching. Yes, you get sick of touching. I found out that after your first baby, if you are me, you desperately mourn the loss of your pre-baby life. You yearn for it. In a feeble attempt, you desperately try to get it back. Which of course doesn’t work and then you (being me) go through a rough post-partum depression. You think you can do it all, but realize that if you can just brush your teeth and maybe if you are lucky take a shower, then that day is considered a complete success.

My Crazy HOT Body…

I also realized that the fantasy life of movies and sitcoms screw with our (my) brain because I used to think that after we had our children, my body would just go back to what it was before…heck, it would even get better, skinnier and tighter because everyone knows breastfeeding shrinks you up and makes your boobs stay bigger then they were before you were pregnant, so you were basically guaranteed a body kind of like Pamela Anderson…nope not even close. The boobs sag and my A’s became even smaller…and now there is a skin flap that has it’s own zip code. If I am lucky, I will have the guts and finances to “reconstruct” my core through exercise and plastic surgery.

My Sex Life…

I also thought that my sex drive would skyrocket because now it would be for fun and not for the sole purpose of creating a child. I thought that my “somewhat” Pamela Anderson body would be able to drive my husband crazy most nights while I show him my latest moves that I learned in my pole dancing “workout” class, while wearing the naughty lingerie from Fredricks of Hollywood. He’s just lucky to get some from me while I am wearing the shirt one of my kids spit-up on. Yes, I’ve told him more than once, he can have me as long as it’s less than five minutes…oh, and only missionary, I don’t have the energy for anything else. Ohhh…one more thing, you can’t look at the skin flap with it’s own zip code or it’s cellulite neighbors, the thighs. They haven’t lost the “baby” weight yet, so it’s lights out buddy…okay, are we done yet?

But Here Is The Great Part…

I love my life! I love everyone that is in it and I love the little family of four that my husband and I have made. I’ve created a house that I wish I grew up in and I am living my dream. The dream that most little girls have when they think of the white dress, picket fence and the prince. I married my prince…as of 2009 we have been together either because we were dating or being married for over eleven years. I have a daughter who is smart, funny, athletic, vocal, stubborn and beautiful. I have a baby boy who is…well, a baby as of now, but he is such a good natured baby who is healthy and happy.

I Am Writing For Many Reasons…

1. There is just too many thoughts in my head and they have to go somewhere and I am not good at keeping more “traditional” journals.
2. I want to remember the small stuff as well as the momentous occasions.
3. I want my children to someday read about their childhood and know that I did the best I could, I loved/love them all the time, no matter what and that I am flying by the seat of my pants most of the time.
4. I wanted to make sense of this all to myself…To fully grasp being an adult, a wife, a mother. Because, hell, wasn’t I just in high school a week ago and in college like, yesterday?
5. For other “Internet” people to realize that there is someone crazier then them out here and yes, she’s struggling too!
6. To maybe be a helpful voice to others that need it
7. I know this was said before…but, really this is for my children. So they will know a part of me that I might not otherwise show them.

So that’s it…hope you enjoy my rants about my life. Feel free to leave comments, I’d love to hear from you all!